i have a confession. i know you will hate it. but before you react hear me out. i totally love the template of this blog. i love the links. every single link i visit everyday, even if they're outdated. i like it that it ranked 2/10 in Google's PageRank to think that this is a personal blog. it's supposed to be Invites Only. the contents are memorable. it's my ups and downs during the span of september 2007 until yesterday when i decided that i like something more perky yet simple. Blogger is simple, i know but there's really a lot more to that. so... i am moving to a blog which had been my blog before i even thought of Taking a Flight. http://d-hooligan.livejournal.com

I hope you can update your links, if any of you gives a shit... (sorry for the inconvenoince too) as this blog may not be updated ---- indefinitely.

it was someone's birthday and his birthday wish touched me inexplicably. i can't explain it, i'll just have to repost it.

happy dealing with cancer

Jul 3, '08 10:11 PM for niche oh's contacts

after 22 years of asking for something for my birthday, i have actually arrived at a conclusion that i don't have a material birthday wish. sure sure i want a dslr, gael gracia bernal or joe jonas and what nots, but i am actually content with what i have. i don't have much you know, but being surrounded with wonderful people, friends who save you everytime, bandmates who remind you what fun it is being a kid and music that sings from your earphones and from your heart. those are enough to fill a birthday wish list - ten times fold. sure along the years we may lose some, but it always comes back. if not, it goes on forward bringing happiness to those who deserve it more. and that to me means a lot too. as one of my closest friends told me, it's always best to pay it forward.

i'm probably one of the people that finds joy easily. seeing other people's vacation photographs in multiply, reading stories in LJ, friends winning vj hunts or rock awards or a better job offer or a magazine cover or even handed a free cocktail at the sex and the city premiere because the producer felt she was fashown - those make me happy. hearing about you hooking up again after a break up, you winning a pitch, you getting married, you admitting you're gay, you finding happiness after loss, you finding enlightenment after a career dilemma and you sharing those all to me - those make me happy.

and you despite what was said and done, you still being here. that makes me happy.

sure in the 22 years that i've lived i may not have discovered a new element, or made a decent song or even written a short story that i could have printed - those can wait you know. and i know some of the best days are ahead, i can feel it. because if today is already an indicator of the things ahead, then i may as well be confident to be happy - because i'm blessed. and very much thankful for that.

so i thank you.

for your hellos. for his. for hullo theres and where you ats. for late night hangouts. for invites and backstage passes. for compliments. for arguments. for omgs and omfgs. for ctcs and abcs. the pats in the back. the high fives. for believing. for friendships and whatever comes after that. for sugarfree songs that mean so much to me and the chance to catch it live. for m and cy who are probably my two favorite girls. for work. for music. for the images that ring so vividly. for family who influence me in invisible ways. for coconut ice cream and bangus sisigs. for trips in the ukayukay despite my sinusitis. for the ipod playing a song i love while on shuffle. for elroy, day one, plane and ams. for smoldering eye candies. for beautiful amber sunsets on top of a skyscraper. for the beach which i hate so much but secretly love it because of zar's influence. for that small wish we had of going to prague. for the food places with rotch. for sudden strike of inspirations and sparks of genius. for giving me the chance to guide alexis. for people like yagi, conrad and sib who curse like pirates but speak of love like poets. for kids like rue or ria or jorge, simon, or cham who always bear witness when fanboy mode attacks. for kids back in school. for braders and sisters. for chicosci and in whatever form or shape they take. for nica, peej and the old friends for reminding me where i came from. to new friends and those to come. for all the people who have touched my life i offer gratitude. and i thank time, for giving me another birthday.

sorry if it looks like i'm writing a liner note for a cd. but if i don't say these now, i'll probably won't have the courage or the inspiration to do it anytime soon. or the apt occasion that it's my birthday.

so i guess it boils to one thing after all. i'm afraid i'd have to rebuttal myself.

i do have a birthday wish.

i just wish to say thank you. and urge you, to love.

IT

i'm gonna' take my last cig for tonight while i think about what to write in this blog.

--- done smoking. i thought of 1 person whom i totally miss. y'know, what if he's here? what happens? i thought of getting old and who i'd be with when the time comes. i can hear the couple next door, watching a movie in their 24" TV while i sit in the terrace floor. there's a big house right in front and it looks empty. i don't like a big empty house. i'd rather have a small house full of people. people i love and care the most. our house in CDO is small but at night my parents are home watching TV, my father drinking beer, my brothers doing whatever they do. My mother hates it when they don't see us at home. Even though she used to tell us to get out of the house when we finish school. Well I did, and my eldest brother did. But I know she miss us and she wants us to come back. I don't want to go back just yet.

So This Is the New Year (DeathCabForCutie)... there is no difference between a new year's eve and this night. I'd only feel old in the former. and I hate it that i'm wasting away my life looking for something i don't know. I love the freedom and the way things are but nights like this makes talk of freedom get old. i want to wake up everyday thinking that i could die today and it's okay because i had it. the thing is, i don't even know what's IT.

FACT CHECKED!

lately i don't know why i'm like starving to death all the time. i eat before i log in for work, i eat during breaks, i eat right before i go home and i eat at home. what happened to me? what happened to my diet? what happened to the 90 pound weight goal? what?!

i have to stop this madness. is this depression? or is this some kind of hormonal imbalance?

i honestly don't know what's going on with my life. i want something new. maybe i'm just bored. god, i hate myself. i feel like i'm stranded. and i don't know how to get out of it. i need to fly away. i can feel my fear.

one of my favorite thread in the Digitalphotographer forum is the one that tackles the subject: Is a professional photographer considered an artist? I can't link it up though though because i can;t the thread now. However people raised several brilliant opinions and ideas, quotations from one website to another. It was a good read at the time.

I kinda' been thinking about it. And i thought, when i get the right gear and learned the right ways of photography i'd somehow want to make money out of it. Just like how bands are. they invest on music instruments, they practice till they perfect the tracks. they are considered artist, why can't Professional photographers be considered one? right?

I guess it depends on how one sees Art. I remember reading an article from Aless Tinio about several months ago about an art exhibit aptly called "Just Like Art," it wan;t really painting of photo exhibit but it was a collections of collage of rock n' roll personalities that Aless and his art partner loved. And i thought, it's not just like an Art, it's actually Art itself. For me, i guess, Art is not being able to edit a picture in photoshop well, it's how original and how passionate you are at the picture you are editing. For me there are photos that connect and there photos that don't. In professional photography it becomes your job to please your clients. And just like how my deskjob is, there are things you don't do and there are things you don't. There are boundaries, there are rules. As inviting as the money is, is it worth it to kiss ass and compromise? it's like me listeing to Sarah Geronimo all of a sudden. Ack.

But of course, to one's his own. we all have our opinion. mine's pretty cluttered.

in one of our happy-beer-drinking-sessions with my friends Adrian (from Pampanga & Baguio), Celia (from Bulacan) and Mitch (partly from Lucban, Quezon) and i (from CDO).. we tackled the subject: our first day in Manila. It's funny how we think that people who stays in the Province are the ones who get married first. It's been a cliche that people at the province don't have anything to do (especially on rainy days) than make babies. Of course we may not be Correct at all but that has been a general idea amongst the four of us. It's also my own thinking that people who have lived in the metro all their life don't know how to ride a bike or climb a tree. and we all think we don't want our kids to grow up in the city.

MITCH


CEL


me & adrian


but why am i here?

it's definitely lovely in the province. the beach is just a stone-throw away, life is easy, there's no pressure, parents are always there to give you money when you ain't got none, and you are surrounded by the people you love and loves you just the same.

unlike here, you are surrounded with crooked people who tells you something good about what you did and tells otherwise to other people behind your back. where traffic is downright stupid, the lines in government agencies are endless, no starry skies, men equals to perverts, you can't just dangle your cellphone anywhere, you have to pray hard for god to keep you safe if you walk alone in slum areas, and the list goes on and on...

the answer is pretty simple. independence. Here is where i found myself. Here is where i know i can be anybody. i get to meet and greet people from all walks of life, from wherever and whoever. the possibility is endless, as far as i can see. Here is where i create the life i want. i get to learn different ways of how people live their lives. that is why i never get tired after working 3 years in a call center. i like knowing how people do things. how people are. Americans are fascinating! i am far from the trappings of cliches and norms. i get to explore Art in different ways. i get to realize my own mistakes. i get to appreciate how my parents raised me. i get to know myself pretty well by the choices i've made. i don't know if i would have learned these in CDO, all i know is when i'm there i'm Lost inside myself. too many complex emotions and inaction make my ambitions futile.

Cielo or Xiuxiu, one of my great writer friend (she never had a job that don't involve writing) featured my photos in one of her blog. Click this link.

it was a fun fun night indeed, last night! and no, thanks... i don't like the three-some-hang-out idea. *lulz

things i'd like to do before i die:

• play the drums
  
• have at least one photo published in TIME magazine, just like the one photo that made me cry.
  
• go backpacking all across the globe: Asia, Europe, USA, Australia, Africa... Antartica! (if it's possible)
• see the Eraserheads perform live
• become a Roadie
• write a film
• work for 27+20
• one-night-stand with Mong Alcaraz (ha ha ha)
• create a happy family life

it isn't everything but i'll remember most of it soon. and if you can help me fulfill me one of those things, just e-mail me. he he he

from the streets of Paseo, to Starbucks in 6750 to Saguijo

i ditched my friends from ACS to give time to this night of shooting, stories and music. anything for the love of photography and music. from here on I have resolved to take lessons. i think i have found my style in a way and i think i will be comfortable if a teacher tells me to do this and that. i think i won't get lost in their cliche-like ways.

good sign.

check out the shots at my multiply. follow the link (-;

how would you feel when people tells you...

"alam mo, hate na hate ka namin dati. kase ang ingay ingay mo."

uh-uh-uh--i was stunned when my ugly fugly teammates told me that. i'd like to throw in a joke but i can't when there's something i haven't said yet. that i used to hate them more. all i managed to say was "tangina nyo!"

i hate confrontations because i'm not good at it. my words and reasons are well thought of, well planned, before I let my anger take control.

anyway, it was okay they told me that. at least now i know. i understand i may be unlikeable at first ...? but i'm the one who'll be with you at your best and at your worst.. =) Err, what the hell, i don't give a shit. ha! ha! i choose my friends. i have trust issues. because i'm aware i'm no fighter so if a person hurts me, i can't retaliate. it's weird, i know.

so like, i'm so off the loop. while i was stranded inside my tiny apartment, the fully-loaded 23,800-ton MV Princess of the Stars sank in the Romblon waters. when i heard it i felt like i want to go there dive and help find if there's any breathing human being trapped somewhere. it's a tragedy. i could just imagine in my head the sound and look of people like children, women and old folks crying and screaming at the face of death. a maritime disaster, indeed.

y'know i like travelling through ships. i feel pretty at peace at sea. so hearing this type of news really brings me down.

well, it appears that capsizing ships isn't just Typhoon “Frank”'s (international codename: Fengshen) favorite hobby, over a hundred people in the Ilo-ilo region drowned in the flood. I haven't seen a flood higher than my waistline so for a flood to drown people that must have rose up above my head. I mean, come on! Landslide is understandable, but flood? how? do they live at the bottom of a crater? I really wish there is something I can do to help.

my heart had sunk too and i've had too many smokes today. i need to go to to bed, so ta-ta!

Finally, i was able to install WXP once again (with a li'l help form a friend). I was dying to edit... just edit. So I took some shots around the apartment this morning, downloaded a trial version of Adobe Lightroom 1.4, watched Da Vinci Code for the nth time and then comes these...


tsinelas




bisyo




kuya teddy




=D i'm satisfied.

i actually feel the urge to write about something but i just don't know how to start. well, it's not a personal thing like what this blog is all about. it's pertaining to music, to money, popularity and stuff. all kinds. i get sick of talking about myself, sometimes. so when i feel ike writing something about myself, i prefer not to blog at all. but like i said, Me is what this blog is all about. ha ha.

LISTENING TO: you're killing me - ChicoSci

i'm so bored. i don't want to eat. i'm watching my diet now. i don't want to read a book, i don't feel like getting into someone's creative thoughts. i don't want to tidy up i feel tired. i don't want to sleep just yet, it's wasting my time. the music is up so loud and i'm listening to CHICOSci. i really don't want to blog neither but blogging helps me think. life is boring right now. i'm broke. nothing to look forward to. most people i know are broke too. if not busy with their own life. living by yourself is totally boring when you're broke. i wish i can find it in myself to organize my stuff. organize my life. at times like this i'd like to listen to the "One Hundred Things To Motivate Yourself" audio book. but my ipod is low in battery and i am too lazy to get up.

* i want to communicate.



a damp emotion.